Sunday, January 24, 2010

Back to the Drawing Board

Turns out Tiny Footprints can't be used. Bummer right? Not really! Here's why...

We went to Winter Jam in St. Louis. Awesome concert! Third Day! Newsboys! And my favorite Tenth Avenue North! For those of you who do not know, Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North is the song we chose for Alyssa's video. I consider it her song and I was extremely excited to hear it live.

Hearing it live was so awesome. I cried. If you haven't heard it before it is absolutely beautiful. Every word was how we felt when our doctor told us she wasn't going to make it, every day when she was in the NICU and when she passed. We prayed so hard, begging God to heal Alyssa - and He did...just not the way we wanted or imagined. And this song just reminded me everytime my heart broke that He is there through the pain - holding my heart.

Jessica (my sister) found out that they were going to be out to meet the fans. So we waited in line and I bought their CD for them to sign. I shared my story with the band and one member knew the pain we felt. I told them about how God was leading me to start this organization but that I couldn't name it what I originally wanted. It came to me a couple of days ago that Hold My Heart would be so fitting. So I asked if that would be ok and they said yes!

So I fixed my application (again) to change my requested names. Please pray that this time my application will go through without any delays. I want this organization to help provide comfort to families and remind them that no matter what they are going through He is there holding their hearts.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


It's been awhile but my time away has allowed me to reflect and figure out what to do next. Going back to work was good because it keeps my mind busy. It's the times when I don't have anything to occupy my thoughts that I find myself bawling my eyes out looking at pictures of Alyssa. I'm not trying to avoid remembering her but I guess it's just that if I don't have something to do my thoughts get carried away. So I've found something that will remember Alyssa, help others and keep me incredibly busy.

Tiny Footprints is the name of the organization - at least I hope it will be - I am trying to start in the near future. This depends on my paperwork for the state of Missouri and if I can get that name. This blog will share the challenges of starting a non-profit organization as well as the difficulties of losing Alyssa. My vision includes two hopes.

The first is to help families who have children in the NICU. When we were in Columbia the Ronald McDonald House was too far from Alyssa in my opinion. If we were called in (like we were the day before she passed) I was afraid we would be stuck in traffic when every second counted. We decided to pay to stay at a hotel across the street. While my organization may not be able to pay the entire amount for a families stay at a hotel I would at least like to decrease the burden.

My other hope is to provide comfort for families who have lost their children. We were fortunate because the funeral home we had Alyssa cremated at paid for it and the NICU provided the urn. I would like to help families pay for expenses if they do not have that help. Losing a child is the most devastating thing to happen and I can't imagine having to scramble to find money to bury or cremate a child. That should be the last worry and I hope that it will be with this organization.

Please if you are interested in helping wait and pray for now. I have to wait until I get my paperwork before I can accept any monetary donations. Right now I have a vision but I have to wait before I can start anything. Within a month I hope to have a website and the ability to accept donations. I am so excited to share this information with you. Please if you have any suggestions or are willing to help out email me at

Thank you for your prayers!